Ithaka Bound

Why Oh Why

Dear Transportation Security Administration,

Why oh why must you pull me aside for secondary inspection on practically every single flight I fly… for the past eight years… practically every time?  Why did one of your officers pull me aside for a frisking just as I was about to enter the jetway for a flight to MILWAUKEE last week?  Why did I have to stand there — spread-eagle in a terminal filled with hundreds of passengers — while a woman who resembled a female prison guard passed her hands over my intimate parts?

I don’t like being touched by strangers.  I don’t like it!

Why did the guard give me such a mean look when I said, “The least you could do is take me out to dinner first”?

Why do you insist on frisking a middle-aged, American woman who wears reading glasses and sensible shoes?  Is it my curly hair?  Is that it?

The guard said I was carrying a lot of stuff onto the plane (coat, laptop, camera bag).  May I remind you that the arsehole pictured below tried to blow up a plane WITH HIS SHOE, and he’s the reason millions of people have to take their shoes off every day.

Recently, another young man tried to blow up a plane with his crotch, or to be specific–he tried to ignite his diaper.  A flying dutchman, with a lot of carry-on baggage, saved the day.

This is me:

In my spare time, I like to think about the color yellow and debate which Greek island is the most beautiful.  I’m sensitive to loud noises, so I avoid incendiary devices.  I shush people in theaters when they talk too loud.

TSA, in the name of all that is common sensical, please start  profiling and stop wasting my time and taxpayer dollars or I shall have to travel exclusively on the Queen Mary, which would make traveling to the midwest and all points inland very difficult indeed.

© 2010, Ithaka Bound. All rights reserved.