Ithaka Bound

1,000 65-year-olds were asked what they would do differently if they could live their lives over again.  Three things emerged that the 65-year-olds would overwhelmingly change about the way they had lived:

1.  They would have taken the time to ask the important questions.

2.  They would have taken more risks in work and in love.

3.  They would have lived a life with purpose and made a difference.

I think the elderly have a storehouse of knowledge on how to best live a life because they’ve already been through the majority of obstacles that they’re likely to encounter.  They have the advantage of hindsight–something the young will never have–and they’ve already made their worst mistakes.  I would like nothing better than to have an elderly group of ten people or so to serve as my mentors and sages–people who could see the avalanches coming, and tell me when to leap to the side.  So I love any survey of the elderly and take them to heart.

At the start of every year, I do a review of my principles.  Unlike a list of resolutions, which outlines goals and actions,  a review of principles simply spells out what I believe and how I live.

A friend asked me why I felt the need to perform this ritual every year, in a tone of voice that implied, “Don’t you KNOW what you live by?  Why do you have to spell out your beliefs?”  But I encourage everyone to give it a shot, especially if you doubt the power of people to change.  This year, I dug up some of my reviews from years past and was actually shocked at the drastic differences from year to year.  Some principles have remained constant throughout my life, but the majority are flexible and many were as fleeting as Haley’s comet.

If you decide to have a go at writing out your own principles, I recommend doing it in stream-of-consciousness style, without pausing to think about it too much or to censor yourself.  If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably be shocked by some of the things you actually believe in, or maybe you’ll just gain a sense of affirmation that you are indeed the person you thought you were.

I usually spend a few days in the new year writing all the principles out, and then I put them away until the following year when I’m ready to write the new list.  Somehow it sets the tone for the coming year because one over-arching theme often emerges.  One year, I had to re-check the list in June because I was beginning to forget who I was  and it served as a good reminder.  But in general, I try to not let the list influence me, rather I influence the list.

So in the spirit of renewal that marks this time of year, here’s an abridged version of my review:

• Life lived without joy is a burden.  Live joyfully even in the face of adversity.  Look ahead, look forward, see the light–the Venus in the sky.

• Our dreams are our salvation, our soul’s breath.  Don’t separate yourself from yours.  Hold your dreams closely.

• You are answerable only to your own conscience and to history.  Never feel obligated to justify yourself to any living person.

• Rise above your circumstances, external or internal.  Don’t waste your life wallowing in a misery that may only exist in your perceptions.

• There is honor in losing or resigning for the right reasons, rather than winning for the wrong reasons.  Beware of ego.  Don’t persevere in blind loyalty waiting for others to do the right thing.  You’re responsible for your own legacy .

• The knowledge that life could end at any moment infuses it with meaning, urgency, and beauty.  Don’t be afraid to look death in the eye and say, “Whatever, dude, it was worth every minute.”  Know that this is always yours.

In writing out the list I also discovered that I’ve become obsessed with answering the question of what it means to be human and alive.

How’s that for navel-gazing?

It’s a lot to chew on, but the 65-year-olds regret not asking themselves the important questions, so…

Happy new year!

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